The Trouble with Link
by magicsmith
Summary: As a result of a secret meeting, the bosses decide not to fight Link. No one will tell him why. Will Ganondorf help? Why does everyone keep winking at Link? Chapter 3 now up. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

_Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series._

Do the bosses in the Zelda games receive payment for their work?

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The Trouble with Link

**Chapter 1: Meeting**

The chu-chus were having fun. Squidge up, wobble, jump, squidge down. Some chu-chus were deliberately bumping into each other and giggling. Their fixed smiles and wide open eyes remained unchanged, but the giggling increased. They were ignoring the strange looking creature who was talking to them. They wobbled and squidged and played their chu-chu game.

'Surely you're tired of being killed all the time. Don't you mourn your parents, friends, loved ones? Aren't you tired of all the senseless killing? Aren't you scared you will die?' The creature persisted despite the lack of response. 'Don't you hate Link? Don't you want him to stop?'

The final comments finally caught the attention of the chu-chus. They stopped squidging up and down and jumping. They all wobbled to face the speaker. They couldn't stop the wobble.

'Why Link stop? Link tickle me. Link hits with sword, sword tickle, chu-chu giggle,' said a green chu-chu.

'Die? Not die. Go pop, come back. You not die either. You come back. We like Link better than you. He play game and tickle us. You talk, talk, talk. No fun. Go. Fun time now, talk over,' said a red chu-chu.

The chu-chus again squidged up and down, wobbling all the while, ignoring the creature who continued to talk. He made the mistake of trying to grab a chu-chu to make it listen.

The chu-chu's reacted. This was not fun. This was serious. The creature was suddenly surrounded by the chu-chus who bumped into him until he ran away.

Not too far away deku scrubs were blowing nuts at each other, squeaking when they hit each other, running around and laughing. He tried to talk to them. He'd tried before but had failed. It took a few seconds before he was hit with a barrage of nuts. The deku scrubs liked Link and the games he played with them. Why change?

The creature sadly shook his head and went to talk to the keese. 'The flaming keese are the worst,' he thought. I'm always scared of getting burnt. I have to try. After that, I've been told I have to talk to the wolfo's.'

ooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo

The building was large, very large. By normal standards it was enormous, but even so there was little room to move.

'I think we better open the doors and set up outside speakers,' suggested Giant Bobo Baba.

'But this is meant to be a secret meeting. How secret will it be if we start broadcasting our issues?' Gohma replied.

'Isn't there any place larger we could hold this meeting? I'm sure there must be,' Façade argued from the floor. 'Could you remove your tendrils from my eye? They hurt,' the last comment was aimed at Giant Bobo Baba.

'Oh, sorry. I try to watch them, but they like to wander off. It's really hard when I attend dinner parties. They always end up in someone's soup,' Giant Bobo Baba said sadly.

'Remind you never to invite you to any of mine,' Façade said coldly.

'You have dinner parties and you've never invited me,' Gohma exclaimed. 'That's down right rude. I'd invite you if I ever had dinner parties, which I don't because they don't fit with my image. That's it. You're off the list for my next games night. Don't bother turning up with that upside down cake you always bring. No one ever eats it and I end up lobbing it at you know who whenever he turns up. Sometimes I even manage to hit him with it.'

Façade glared at Gohma. 'Fine. I hate your stupid games nights. All we ever play is cards and I find it impossible to hold them. You never listen to my request that we play Trivial Pursuit or Monopoly. No, it's always the cards or pin the Master sword on Link. Anyway, I wasn't saying I gave dinner parties and didn't invite you…'

'But you don't invite Gohma or Giant Bobo Baba,' Gleerock broke in. 'At the last dinner party you said…Ooops,' said Gleerock as Façade turned his glare on him.

'Forget I said anything. I must have been thinking of someone else. Oh, there's Mazaal. Must go and talk to him about the, um, the weather. Bye,' Gleerock left as fast as a giant turtle dragon could, looking very embarrassed.

'Another person to take off your dinner party list,' Gohma gloated looking at Façade who was blushing furiously. 'I've always said you were stuck up, or in your case stuck down. Just wait until this gossip spreads. I know where I'm not welcome. Come on Baba, let's go and talk to someone who is more socially adept. See you Façade.'

'Not if I see you first,' muttered Façade.

Bongo Bongo started beating his drums to gain everyone's attention. The talking began to quiet as bosses turned to the platform where Bongo Bongo was placed. Next to him was Medelock who had reluctantly agreed to chair the meeting. He looked as embarrassed and irritated as he could. He tapped his foot, waiting for all the noise to subside.

'We all know why we're here today,' Medelock began.

'I don't,' yelled Odolwa.

'Shut up, you fool,' hissed Hot Head. 'Thus is not a time for jokes. This is serious.'

Medelock just glared at Odolwa until he looked at his feet, shamed by the criticism.

'As I was saying, we all know why we're here. We were all asked to this extraordinary meeting by the Giant Magtail. She wishes to report on her findings. Maggs, go on. Talk.'

'I've sent some minor bosses to talk to the other creatures who are affected by that pest, Link. They've had no luck whatsoever. Some of them are recovering from the injuries they received while trying to gain support for us and they can't attend today. The chu-chus are too stupid, the keese too flighty, the spiders are too lazy, just to mention some of the problems. We won't even talk about the wolfo's. I don't think Blue Stalftos will ever be the same again,' said the Giant Magtail (hereafter referred to as Maggs).

'Get to the point,' yelled Goht. He was quickly subdued when one of Giant Bobo Baba's tentacles 'accidentally' jammed his mouth shut.

'Thanks Baba,' Maggs said. 'To continue, I think they're all too stupid to consider. For some weird reason, they all love Link. We're going to have to work this out with the help of the mini-bosses. Any questions so far?'

'Yeah. When do we eat?' asked Eyesoar. He was quickly silenced when the Angler Fish sat on him.

'Look, either take this seriously or get out,' roared Medelock. 'It's been hard enough trying to organise this without your stupid comments. Now either work with us, or I'll tell Link the cheats to defeat you. I've had a quick look at the Strategy Guides and walkthroughs as well. I know everything.'

There was stunned silence as this threat hung in the air.

'You, you, you, can't do that,' the Giant Chu-chu stuttered wobbling in fright. 'Tha, tha, that is against the unwritten code. You will fi fin fin find yourself dem dem demoted to a mini-boss. You will ne ne ne never be invited to any so soc social events. Christmas will be a time when y yo you receive no cards. Birthdays wi wi will bring no presents. Y yo you can't betray us li li like that!' His voice was wobbling in terror to match his body.

'I can and I will if I keep getting interrupted by stupid comments,' said Medelock briskly. 'Now, does any one else need to interrupt?'

There was absolute silence.

'Good. We may continue. I will now ask Shadow Ganon to read the list of our grievances against Link,' Medelock said firmly.

Shadow Ganon appeared mistily on the stage. He held a sheaf of papers in his hand and cleared his throat nervously.

'This is the list of our grievances against Link, may his sword break, his shield burn, his tunic shrink in the wash and his tights get laddered.

He never says anything before he fights us. Even a hello would be nice. Or a chat about the weather, but no, he just tries to kill us.

He always steals our treasure but denies being a thief.

He never says 'thank you'. Never shows any gratitude.

The unwritten code says that the victor should always clean up after the battles. He cuts off tentacles and never cleans them up, or sews them back on, just as an example.

Who is supposed to clean up after Epona and never does? That's right, Link.

Link is constantly opening graves and taking what he finds. Big Poe is very upset and so is Dampee. Isn't it illegal to desecrate graves?

When he's practising with a new tune on the ocarina, the sound is dreadful. Can't he go and practice somewhere no one else can hear him?

Does he ever change his clothes or have a bath except when he falls in the water? I think someone should mention personal hygiene to him.

I'm worried by all the fairies. Do you want them around your children?

Some of us are having trouble replacing all the things he breaks. Do you know how long it takes to make a pot?'

Shadow Ganon paused waiting for the hubbub to die down.

'Does anyone disagree with the list?' Medelock asked.

'No,' was the resounding response.

'I do,' muttered Goht having managed to get the tentacle out of his mouth. He quickly shut his mouth as a tentacle wavered in front of him.

'Now, the next item of business. We have a special guest speaker today who wishes to address us about the trouble with Link. Please be silent for Impa,' announced Medelock

There was first a stunned silence and then a startled murmur around the room.

'Impa. Isn't she supposed to be one of the good guys?'

'What's she doing here. Doesn't she normally help Link?"

'Zelda's nurse. There must be some mistake.'

'Didn't she teach him one of those tunes?'

These comments and similar were overheard as Impa arrived on the stage. She waited for silence before she began to speak.

'I know you're all surprised to see me here. But I too have a grievance against Link. I never wanted to be the Shadow Sage, locked away from humanity forever. I was the last of the Sheikah and had hoped to have children so my race would not die. That choice was taken away from me by Link,' she began.

'Shouldn't she be blaming Ganondorf,' murmured Moldorm only to be quelled by a stern look from Medelock.

'He has never once thanked me for all my help and I'm afraid he is a bad influence on Zelda. She's taken to saying 'Hya' regularly and is constantly breaking things looking for rupees. She never used to want rupees. I think she is secretly sending it to Link. He should be stopped before he destroys everything. He must pay'

'I agree,' yelled Shadow Link. 'He always acts as if he's better than me.'

'Down with Link,' screamed the Shadow Hag.

'Roast him. Ice him,' screeched Koume and Kotake, shaking their broomsticks.

A general outcry against the evils of Link was only silenced by a further threat by Medelock.

A hand was raised.

'What's the question, Wart? Make it quick and it better be relevant,' commanded Medelock.

'What are rupees? I don't understand. I've never heard of them before. Are they something nice to eat?' Wart asked curiously.

Medelock looked puzzled. 'I don't know. I've never heard the word before. Impa, what are rupees?' Medelock asked.

'Rupees? Don't you know what a rupee is?' she asked surprised.

'Why would I ask if I knew?' said Medelock. 'I don't ask questions I know the answer to. That would be silly.'

'You use rupees to buy things. Look, here's a blue rupee. It's worth 5 green rupees,' Impa held up a blue stone.

'That's treasure,' said Medelock. 'We guard that for our masters. Are you saying it's more than just a pretty thing? I didn't know that.'

'Don't your bosses pay you?' Impa was stunned.

'Pay? What's that? He threatens us if we don't do what he tells us. He certainly doesn't pay us unless we lose, then he pays us in kind. I'm sick of him beating me,' complained Goht.

'I w wa want to know m mo mo more about rupees,' stuttered the Giant Chu-chu.

'So do I. What can you buy?' asked Façade who had regained his composure.

The meeting was becoming more disorganised every second.

'Order, order,' shouted Medelock angry at the disruption and intrigued by Impa's words.

'You can buy food, clothes, pots, all manner of things,' Impa said.

'Pots? I could buy pots instead of getting my henchman to make them? That would save so much time. Though it would spoil Arts and Crafts time. In our spare time we make wallets and I never know where they end up. It irritates me that Link might come back a few minutes after he's left and we have to have all the stuff he's broken on his last visit back in place. He could at least go and annoy someone else for a while. I like the idea of rupees and pay,' commented Aquamentas who had been quiet up 'til now.

Impa looked around the room, as if a new idea had just occurred. 'Do you get any benefits? Any medical cover? Disability allowance? Holidays?'

All the bosses and mini bosses looked at each other worried.

'What are those things,' asked Mags. 'Are they painful?'

'Can you eat them?' asked Eyesoar who had managed to wiggle our from under the Angler Fish.

'I thought the King was cheap, but he's got nothing on your masters,' said Impa, a slight smile on her face.

'Would you please explain, Impa? I think there is a lot you could teach us,' asked Bongo Bongo.

Briefly and clearly Impa outlined the meaning of holidays, paid leave, medical cover, pay and other conditions of employment.

After the explanation, the noise became deafening as all the bosses started to talk to each other. Even Medelock was discussing the information with Bongo Bongo and Mags. Tempers were building and the air in the room was becoming heated.

'Maybe we should have a break,' suggested Shadow Ganon weakly, sliding toward the exit.

'Oh, no you don't. You'll just run off and tell Ganondorf and then he will tell everyone else,' said Mags looking at him with suspicion in her eye. 'Baba, grab him.'

Before he could fade out, Baba grabbed Shadow Ganon with two tentacles and held him firmly.

'Don't bother trying to struggle or fade out, or I will swallow you,' said Baba grimly. 'I've had my suspicions about you. I always thought you were Ganondorf's pawn.'

'Of course I am? What else could I be?' Shadow Ganon asked reasonably. 'He created me in his image. Did you expect something else?'

'True, true,' said Phantom Ganon. 'I'm in the same position.'

'What should we do Impa? I think we should be paid fairly and receive all the conditions you've outlined, but how do we do that?' asked Mags wanting more information.

'Strike,' she answered simply.

'Hit our masters? I don't think that is a good idea. They're violent enough without any provocation,' yelled Ghoma.

Many of the other bosses nodded in agreement.

'Don't you know what a strike is?' Impa asked.

'Please tell us. I think I have heard about more new things today than I have in years,' begged Digdogger.

'I'm really amazed at the things you haven't been told,' said Impa. Quickly she explained the theory behind a strike.

The bosses looked at each other wonderingly.

'You mean we don't do anything, at all,' burst out Eyesoar.

'That's correct. Just give Link everything he wants. Help him get to your masters quickly. They'll get the message soon enough. I'm sure they will be open to negotiation,' Impa smiled.

'I don't think we should be rash,' pleaded Shadow Ganon.

'I agree with Shadow Ganon,' bleated Phantom Ganon.

'Oh, shut up,' shrieked Koume and Kotake. 'This meeting was your idea anyway.'

'But it wasn't meant to go like this. Ganondorf assured me…' cried Shadow Ganon. Baba promptly swallowed him.

'He'll be all right,' Baba assured everyone who looked shocked. I'll let him out once we have made a decision.' Baba looked at Phantom Ganon. 'If you want the same treatment…' he started.

'No. No, don't worry about me,' assured Phantom Ganon spreading his hands in appeal. 'I promise I'll just stay here quietly. I realise that our masters have perhaps not been completely fair.'

'Keep an eye on him, Eyesoar, will you?' Bongo Bong ordered.

'Happy to be of help,' said Eyesoar moving closer to Phantom Ganon.

'How do we decide? Should we go on strike, or should we try reason?' Mags asked nervously.

'I say we strike,' yelled Goht.

'Strike,' agreed Diggdogger.

'R R Re Rea Reason,' quavered the Giant Chu-chu.

'Stop wavering,' snapped Shadow Hag. 'The wobbling I can cope with, but the wavering is annoying. Strike, strike now.'

'All in favour of a strike say Strike,' Mags said.

The walls resounded to most of the assembled multitude yelling 'Strike'.

'Okay. Who wants reason,' asked Medelock.

Phantom Ganon and Giant Chu Chu opened their mouths to say reason, but were quelled by the glares of those around them.

'Right. We are on strike as from now. Let's see how our masters react,' Medelock pronounced. 'Thanks for all the help, Impa.'

'My pleasure,' she smiled. 'Better go. I don't want people to know I've been talking to you.' Impa quickly walked to the exit.

It took a little time to clear the building and persuade Baba to release Shadow Ganon, but soon the Bosses and Mini-bosses were returning to their assigned dungeons.

Would the strike encourage the masters to negotiate?

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I have started working on Chapter 2. Cartoonpen will be assisting me as she has some really funny ideas.

Please read and review.


	2. The Plan

_Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series._

The Bosses put their plan in place. Link becomes very confused.

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The Plan

'It is my duty to save Hyrule?' Link wondered. 'I can accept that, but why do I get this feeling that something is wrong? I'm sure I was in a different place before. I think I was in the Temple of Fire. How did I get to the dungeon on Dragon Roost Island? Where did that boat come from? Am I wearing a hat?'

Shrugging his concerns aside, Link dutifully fought his way past the minor monsters, wondering all the while about how he got there. Eventually he gave up wondering. He was the Hero of Time. No, that wasn't right. He was the Saviour of Hyrule. Wrong again. He was Link. That would do for the moment.

'I should be concentrating on the battle ahead,' he thought as he swung across to the Boss's door. He grabbed a fairy outside and entered using the Boss key.

As Link walked into the Giant Magtail cavern he saw the monster,

'I don't know. It looks pretty scary,' Link thought. A massive wormlike thing living in lava. 'I'm sure there is a way of killing it,' he said as he watched it carefully.

The Giant Magtail looked at him. Quickly, Link drew his sword, ready to join battle. He was as ready as he would ever be.

The Giant Magtail said, 'Arghhh. No! You have defeated me,'

The Giant Magtail then winked, removed her armour and jumped into the lava.

Link looked down confused by both the wink and the sequence of events. 'What did I do? I didn't even touch her,' he wondered.

'Umm, Valoo.' Link called, 'I think I've defeated the Giant Magtail, but I'm not sure.'

Link kicked the body a few times and announced, 'Yep, she's definitely dead.'

Very disturbed Link left the dungeon, shaking his head.

_From that day forth a tale is told on Dragon Roost Island at the great feast held on the Day of Link of how the Great Magician Link used his psychic powers to persuade the Giant Magtail to jump into the lava without even drawing his sword. So should perish all enemies of Hyrule._

'Maybe my next quest will be a little more normal,' Link thought hopefully as he walked toward the Spirit Temple. 'Wait a minute. What am I doing at this temple? Shouldn't I be at Forest Haven? What in the name of the Triforce is going on? Why am I grown up? I was a kid a few minutes ago?'

He tried to return to Dragon Roost Island but each time he turned around he was again walking toward the Spirit Temple.

'I think I've been fighting too hard,' Link thought. 'I wish there was someone I could talk to. Things are decidedly strange.'

Link puzzled his way through the Spirit Temple and was relieved that most of the monsters at least tried to kill him.

'Maybe it was just a glitch,' Link decided, relieved.

Link entered the room looking for the Iron Knuckle mini boss. The Iron Knuckle was sitting casually on his throne drinking a cup of coffee and reading a magazine. He looked up briefly as Link entered and then flicked to the next page while having another sip of his coffee.

Link shuffled his feet.

'Aren't you going to fight me,' he asked, embarrassed at asking such a stupid question.

'What's the point? Anyway, I'm busy. I like to drink my coffee while it's hot,' the Iron Knuckle replied.

'But that's your job. You're meant to fight me,' Link said again confused.

'I'm looking for another job. Now could you get lost? I'm trying to read an article about Norwegian embroidery. Apparently it will be the next big decorating thing. I'm thinking of changing the look of this room,' the Iron Knuckle replied, still reading the magazine.

Link moved closer, drawing his sword. 'Fight me,' he pleaded.

'Are you still here?' The Iron Knuckle put down his coffee and magazine. 'Persistent little brat, aren't you?'

Reluctantly the Iron Knuckle got to his feet, drew his sword and accidentally fell on it.

'Oh, you have killed me wink, wink, nudge, nudge,' he said in a monotone and died.

Link ran from the room. 'I'm going mad. I know I'm going mad,' he thought. Without meaning to, he ran to the Boss's room.

'Maybe that was the only problem with this dungeon,' he thought with hope. Hesitantly he opened the door.

Koume and Kotake were flying around as Link entered valiantly with sword in hand hoping for a bit more of a challenge.

'This looks more like it.' he thought, relieved.

Kotake said 'You have finally come, Oh great warrior. We shall give you the greatest battle ever.'

Link smiled, happy. Everything was getting back to normal, 'Finally an interesting battle,' he thought

His smile faded quickly as both Kotake and Koume winked at him.

'Oh no, not again,' he said. 'I suppose at least these two are female and slightly human.'

Koume and Kotake charged at him on their broomsticks, screaming loudly.

Hopefully Link raised his sword ready to attack. Koume flew to the right of him, Koutake to the left and they both grabbed a bomb each from his tunic. Link grabbed at his tunic.

'Were they touching me?' he thought with fear. 'First the winking, then the touching. What sort of game is this?'

The witches armed with the bombs, flew in opposite directions.

Koume screamed 'Oh, great warrior, your battle skills have defeated us. Forgive us, master'.

The bombs exploded turning both witches into big piles of smoking ash.

Link backed out of the dungeon, slowly, unable to take his eyes from the piles of ash.

'Maybe I should try to find Sheik and ask his advice,' Link thought taking out the Ocarina and playing the Prelude to Light.

_The tales told at the Gerudo's Fortress on the Eve of Link, speak of the Mighty Warrior, Link who defeated the evil witches. With one gaze of his Powerful eyes, they crumbled to ash. So must perish all enemies of Hyrule_.

Link was approaching the Ancient Castle of Ikana. He stopped. This definitely was wrong. He was supposed to be in the Temple of Time and he was a kid again. This most definitely wasn't the Temple of Time. He stood there for a while shifting from foot to foot, rearranging his shield and sword. He hummed under his breath as he tried to decide what to do.

'Heck. I'll just go in and see what happens. What's the worst that can happen?'

Strange images of winking bosses filled his imagination. 'I wish I hadn't asked that question,' he thought.

Looking at his feet, Link trudged into the Ancient City of Ikana.

'I know I don't have all the necessary items,' Link thought. 'I'll have to backtrack,' he looked at his items. All the ones he needed were there.

'I bet this never happens to the characters in Final Fantasy,' he thought.

Reluctantly, Link made his way through the dungeon. Everything proceeded as normal until he entered the bosses' room.

Igos Du Ikana and his skeleton henchman were kneeling on the floor intent on a game of marbles.

'I saw you nudge that one,' one of the henchman complained.

'Who's the boss here?' snarled Igos Du Ikana. 'You're just a bad player and you're jealous.'

'Am not,' was the response.

Link cleared his throat. The marble playing monsters ignored him.

'My shot now, I think,' said Igos Du Ikana.

One of the henchman sighed. 'It's actually my turn.'

'Excuse me,' said Link and was again ignored,

'It's my turn,' Igos Du Ikana said flatly.

'Excuse me,' said Link loudly.

Unenthusiastically, Igos Du Ikana looked at Link.

'Don't you know it's rude to interrupt?'

'Er, sorry. But aren't you supposed to fight me now?' Link asked.

'Am I? Are you sure you don't want to play marbles, instead?' One of the henchmen asked.

Link shook his head.

'You can have your shot now,' the other henchman urged.

'No. I have to fight you. It's in the rules,' Link said.

'Let's get this over with,' sighed Igos Du Ikuna.

The three monsters got to their feet.

'Noble warrior, you will meet your defeat at my hands,' said Igos Du Ikuna in a bored tone.

The three monsters turned and said 'Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

Link blushed furiously. This was becoming embarrassing as well as scary.

The three monsters started to move toward Link, but slipped on the marbles and crashed to the ground, impaling each other on their weapons.

'Not again,' thought Link as he turned and ran out of the room.

_In Ikana Canyon on the Morn of Link the tale is told of the fearsome warrior Link who defeated the ancient King and two ferocious warriors with a single breath. So will perish all enemies of Hyrule._

Blinking, Link entered the darkness of Tail Cave. 'I know this is not right, but what can I do? I know something is going on, but no one explains anything before they die. I haven't managed to get into a town for a while, or seen a Great Fairy. Maybe I should look for a Great Fairy. Maybe she would help. Or if I visited a town, people there might know what's happening.'

Link wandered through the dungeon distractedly killing monsters, but not having much fun.

'I'm nervous. If this Boss acts strangely I might just give up. Maybe they need a new character for Kingdom Hearts 3. Or I could hang up my sword and shield and do something else. I hear interior designers make a good living. Or maybe I could become a musician. I can play the Ocarina.'

Link was getting more worried as he came closer to the boss's room. First he went to the mini-boss, Rolling Bones room. Rolling Bones didn't even try.

He just flung a fairy at Link, clutched his head and said, 'Can you die from a migraine? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

Rolling Bones then fell to the floor and died, rather dramatically.

Link rubbed his eyes and scratched his head. 'Does this ever end?' he asked the body lying on the floor.

There was no answer.

Link aimlessly wandered through the dungeon now even more troubled about the encounter with the next boss. Eventually, bored with the interior design, Link made his way to the boss's room.

'So you finally got here,' the Giant Moldorm commented as Link slowly entered the room.

Link nodded distractedly.

'Hero of Hyrule, prepare to meet your doom,' the Giant Moldorm continued as he 'borrowed' Links fire arrows, winked at Link and shot at his own tail. 'Oh, I am slain,' the Giant Moldorm said as he exploded.

Link retrieved his arrows, wondering how they got there. Fire arrows weren't in his equipment list for this dungeon.

'I won't even think of the winking. It's getting too disconcerting,' he told himself as he left Tail Cave.

_In Mabe village on the solemn celebration of Links Noon they tell the tale of the 9 foot tall Link who with a single twitch of his eyebrow defeated the Giant Moldorm. Thus shall perish all evil in Hyrule._

After the fiasco with the Giant Moldorm, Link managed to visit the village of Mabe. It was great for a while, talking to the villagers, breaking some pots, just lazing around. After a while he overheard some of the tales told of his adventures.

'I'm not 9 foot tall. I don't have bulging muscles. I only know the magic the Great Fairy's teach me. What's with all these stories? I better not mention my name. No one will believe I'm Link. At least they don't mention the winking.'

Highly embarrassed, Link left the town and ended up in another dungeon. He did not even try to work out how he got there.

After working his way though the dungeon at the Poisoned Moth's Lair, Link noticed a note pinned to the wall as he walked into Calamareye, the mini-bosses cave.

'I'm already dead. Fearing your arrival, I ate some of Façade's upside down cake. It killed me. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.'

'He didn't even try. I'm feeling increasingly apprehensive about this. May as well see what next disaster is awaiting me,' Link said slowly walking toward the room where the Poisoned Moth was supposed to lurk.

At first the room was empty. Then the door slammed.

'This is more like it,' Link thought relieved unsheathing his sword.

Shadow and Phantom Ganon appeared from opposite sides of the room.

'I will defeat you in the name of Ganon,' said Phantom Ganon.

'That's my line,' argued Shadow Ganon.

'I used it first, so it's mine,' Phantom Ganon retorted.

'But I always say that line,' Shadow Ganon pouted.

'Think of something else. Try to be original, and stop pouting. It makes you look ridiculous,' observed Phantom Ganon.

'I like that. You look ridiculous. I don't mean you Link. You look cute as always,' said Shadow Ganon.

'Leave Link alone, Shadow. He likes me better. You do look cute today Link,' said Phantom Ganon.

Link sank to his knees and put his head in his hands.

'This is not happening. This is not happening,' he chanted. 'I am under an evil enchantment caused by Valdi or Majora's Mask or someone I don't know yet. It will pass and everything will return to normal, whichever normal it is.' Recovering slightly Link rose to his feet.

'Look, guys, nice to see you and all, but aren't you in the wrong game. I didn't even know you knew each other,' he addressed Shadow and Phantom Ganon.

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon exchanged a quick look with each other and then winked at Link at the same time.

Feeling very uncomfortable Link looked down shuffled his feet, rearranged his tunic and said, 'I'm sorry. I'm flattered but neither of you are my type.'

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon winked again and charged at each other swords drawn. The clang of metal on metal lasted only a few seconds before each killed the other.

Link scratched his head and wandered off mumbling to himself. There was no sign of the Poison Moth.

_The tale told in Subrosia on the Vigil of Link's night tells how the harsh words of Link's rejection made Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon decide they did not wish to live a moment longer with Link out of their lives. They killed each other from despair and thwarted passion. Thus shall perish all perverts in Hyrule._

'I'll give up thinking,' thought Link as he walked toward Ganon's Tower. The Giant Fairy was not home. He'd checked. Crossing the rainbow bridge he was bothered by Giant Chu-chu falling on Bongo Bongo, killing them both. Why they were there he had no idea. He shut his eyes hoping to avoid the winks.

Opening the door to the tower proved to be very difficult. Link pushed, he shoved until eventually he managed to get the door partially opened only to find the interior crowded with bosses. They appeared to be having a tea party. There was an air of expectation in the room.

Noticing the door opening, the room became quiet. The bosses turned to see who was disturbing their celebration.

A whisper went around the room. 'It's him.'

'It's Link.'

'He's here.'

'Quick. Action stations.'

In unison the bosses winked at Link.

Link stood there staggered as the bosses launched themselves at each other.

Eyesoar jumped on top of the chandelier, breaking the chain and making it fall to the ground, crushing the bosses underneath. He was in turn killed by the Giant Poe, who was attacked in turn by the Shadow Hag.

Meanwhile, wielding a very sharp piece of paper, Octorock was delivering death by paper cut to any boss unfortunate to get in his way until his paper was burnt by a fire ball shot by Medelock. Octorock died from tripping over a stray deku nut. Within minutes the room was littered with dead bodies, broken porcelain, paintings, bits of broken chandelier, deku nuts, ashes and the occasional piece of cake.

'This is not happening. This is not happening,' Link told himself as he picked his way through the room.

With a feeling of extreme trepidation, Link made his way up the tower. There were no enemies to bar his way. That was just wrong. Biting his nails Link climbed the final set of stairs and then sat on the top step.

'I don't want to go through with this. I don't think I can cope if Ganondorf winks at me. I find the winking very harrowing,' Link thought.

Idly he pulled at a loose thread on his tunic. 'Am I supposed to be saving Zelda? I'm confused by all this hopping around. What if Zelda winks at me?'

Scared by his thoughts, but even more terrified by what awaited him behind the door, Link finally got to his feet.

'I am a hero. I have to face my fears. If I finish this, maybe everything will go back to normal,' Link said aloud. 'That's what I will do.'

Bravely, Link approached the door. This is how a hero should behave he reminded himself.

The door opened and he entered the room. It was empty.

Link felt disappointed. After all that fear, all that build up, Ganondorf didn't even bother to show. Link began to look around expecting to find a note. Nothing.

The door opened. Link spun around expectantly.

Coming through the door was Ganondorf.

Ganondorf emerged through clouds of steam.

'Great entrance,' thought Link. 'This is more like it,' but his rejoicing was quickly replaced by dismay.

Ganondorf was wearing a shower cap, fluffy slippers and a white bathrobe with the name Ritz embroidered on the left hand side. It was rather threadbare. He looked stunned to see Link. Link was pretty taken aback by Ganondorf's appearance

'Link! How did you master all the dungeons and defeat the bosses so quickly? You're not scheduled for another couple of hours,' Ganondorf complained as he got a time table out of his pocket and looked at it. 'Look it says quite clearly that you won't be here for 3 hours. I was just having a shower.'

'It's a relief to hear that. I thought there was something funny going on. All the bosses are behaving oddly,' Link began to explain but Ganondorf ignored his words.

'I haven't had time to kidnap Zelda or take over Hyrule yet. It takes time to get these evil schemes in place. I wanted to be clean and fresh for kidnapping Zelda. These niceties make all the difference. People notice. A dirty evil genius gets little respect. If you want to battle me now can you give a couple of minutes to get ready? You can wait here,' Ganondorf said showing Link to a waiting room.

'I thought things were becoming normal,' Link thought sadly as Ganondorf shut the door behind him.

Link wandered around the room. There were many chairs and tables with magazines spread over them. _Modern Elf; Dastardly Adventure; Witch; Hut and Garden; Vague; _and_ Alchemy Hyrule to_ name a few. All were at least six months out of date. Link sighed. The pictures on the wall were nice, and Link admired the quality of the carpet. The soft peach tones of the walls were relaxing. The doilies covering the table tops were a very alluring feature.

Ganondorf still had not returned. Link sat down and began to read a _Huts and Gardens_ magazine. An article about remodelling a tree house absorbed him. He gradually began to be aware of the music playing through the speakers. That was a nice touch. A new song started. Link's ears pricked up as he recognised _Weapon of Choice_ by Fat Boy Slim.

(If you've ever seen the film clip of this song, you will know what happens next.)

Link stood up and started dancing to the music. He loved the film clip. It had taken him ages to master the acrobatic part, but he tried his best. While he was in the middle of dancing on top of the table, Ganondorf retuned, still wearing his bath robe and shower cap. Zelda came with him complaining loudly.

Link hurriedly got off the table and pretended that he had been standing there the whole time.

As soon as she saw Link, Zelda shook free of Ganondorf and ran to him.

'Hi Link. Thank the Triforce you are here. I think Ganondorf has gone crazy. He came and abducted me dressed like that, in front of everyone. It was kind of embarrassing. He's even got a rubber duck in his pocket. I can't take him seriously,' Zelda said, very upset.

Ganondorf looked down and flushed.

Edging toward the door he said, 'I won't be long' and rushed out.

Link and Zelda looked at each other.

'Does he really have a rubber duck in his pocket?' Link asked.

'Yes. It squeaked. I didn't know evil villains wore shower caps. It takes away some of his mystique,' Zelda commented. 'Do you think he would notice if we left?"

At that moment Ganondorf rushed back into the room wearing his normal clothes.

'I've been expecting you two,' he declaimed grandly.

'What's that supposed to mean. You knew we were here,' Zelda said pointedly.

"That's not important right now,' Ganondorf hissed. 'I, Ganondorf, the ruler of Hyrule, controller of the Triforce, will destroy you now,' he said in a loud voice.

Link sighed, scared of further winking and rather tired. 'I've had a hard day. Zelda, you fight him. I'll just be over here reading a magazine.'

Zelda looked at Link, shocked. 'It's your job. You fight him.'

'I'm not interested,' Link said, very depressed. 'He's probably going to wink at me and kill himself. I can't cope if that happens.'

Ganondorf looked at Link and asked, 'What are you talking about? I won't wink at you. Why would I kill myself?'

Link shook his head, determinedly. 'I'm not fighting. If I don't fight then nothing strange can happen. I'll just sit here. These chairs are comfortable.'

Link moved across to the chairs and sat down.

Zelda sighed. 'Okay. I'll fight him this time. Give me time to get changed into Sheik.'

She left the room. Link and Ganondorf sat opposite each other. They waited. There was an uncomfortable pause. Link shuffled his feet.

'So how's the weather in Hyrule?' Ganondorf asked.

'I don't want to talk about the weather,' Link said flatly. 'Can't we talk about something else? I admire the décor of this room. Did you get a designer in? I really like the doilies.'

Ganondorf smiled, very pleased. 'I decorated the room myself. I didn't know you were interested in décor. I can tell you where you can get a great discount on furnishings.'

'That's great. I was thinking of redecorating. I hear Norwegian embroidery is going to be the next big thing.'

Excitedly Link and Ganondorf discussed decor for a while swapping ideas and recommendations.

'Even though I admire what you've done with this place, it does remind me of a dentist's waiting room,' Link said casually.

'I rent it out. I need the income for my evil plans to destroy you. That reminds me, the dentist is due soon. I hope we can get this battle over quickly. I'll need time to tidy up any bodies,' Ganondorf said looking at his watch.

The door opened. Link and Ganondorf eagerly looked toward the door expecting to see Zelda. To their dismay it wasn't Zelda. Instead some of the revived bosses crowded into the room. They carried banners with the words _Go Link _written large. Link looed at them confused.

'Zelda's fighting Ganondorf,' he said hoping they wouldn't wink at him again. The bosses turned and shuffled only to return a few seconds with the banners. The name _Link_ had been crossed out and replaced with a wobbly_ Zelda_.

Ganondorf rose to his feet, imperious in his anger.

'Why are you doing this,' he demanded of the bosses.

'We have our reasons', replied some of the bosses.

'But you shouldn't even be here,' Ganondorf yelled.

'We're staying,' said Angler Fish.

'Get out,' shrieked Ganondorf losing control.

As he said this Zelda returned dressed as Sheik.

'Are you talking to me?' she asked.

The bosses cheered her arrival and started chanting 'Zelda! Zelda!'

Ganondorf shook his head in disgust and looked at his watch.

'We don't have much time. We will decide this with a challenge of great power, wisdom and courage. This will test your very soul. I only issue this challenge to the bravest and nobles of warriors. The challenge is: Scissors, paper, rock,' he declared.

'You've got to be kidding,' said Zelda, disgusted. 'I had to get dressed as Sheik for that? Link talk to him.'

'I'm not getting involved' said Link who was trying to hide from Phantom and Shadow Ganon. 'Please, don't draw any attention to me. I think those guys like me.'

'Very well,' said Zelda displaying all the dignity of a Princess of Hyrule, dressed as a boy.

With all the bosses crowding around and after much frenzied hand movement Zelda displays the winning move. Paper wraps rock

The bosses cheer loudly.

Ganondorf was disgusted. 'Two out of three is fair,' he suggested.

'That wasn't the deal. I won,' Zelda retorted.

'This is not the last you will hear of this,' Ganondorf said. 'How am I supposed to die?'

'Here, eat this,' said Giant Bobo Baba, helpfully passing him a slice of upside down cake.

'This is awful. Who made it,' said Ganondorf his mouth full of the cake. The words were barely out of his mouth as he felt to the ground, dead, with a horrid grimace on his face.

Façade tried to pretend he didn't notice it was his cake that had killed Ganondorf. He felt very hurt.

The door opened and into the room walked a strange figure.

'I was told this room would be tidy and available at this time. What are all you creatures doing here and why is my landlord lying on the floor, dead? Who's going to clean this up? It's not good enough,' said the dentist in an aggrieved manner.

Zelda and Link looked at the body and then at each other.

Link nodded to Zelda. It was time to get out of here. They didn't want to get stuck with clean up duty. Nothing had returned to normal but there was always the next time. Maybe if he had the chance to talk to Zelda they could work out what was going on. Just seeing Zelda made Link feel better. Maybe she had an idea about the winking and how to get Phantom and Shadow Ganon to leave him alone. With one accord Link and Zelda hands in pockets walked quickly out of the room, whistling, followed quickly by the bosses closest to the door.

'Right then,' said the dentist to the bosses who were left behind. 'You can clean up. I want the body removed, the magazines arranged, the doilies replaced and the cake crumbs swept from the floor. Move it.'

'It wasn't meant to be like this,' Smog muttered as he arranged the magazines. 'I think we need to have another meeting.

* * *

This chapter was co-authored by Cartoonpen. The winking was her idea. Thanks Cartoonpen. Now, please stop telling me more ideas for this chapter. We have to think about the next chapter.

There will be one more chapter of this rather peculiar story.

Just in case you're interested the Bosses Link fights are from the following games

Giant Magtail: _Windwaker_

Koume and Kotake: _Ocarina of time_

Igos Du Ikana: _Majora's Mask_

Moldorm:_ Links Awakening_

Shadow Ganon and Phantom Ganon are from: _Ocarina of Time_ and _Windwaker_

Ganon/Ganondorf, specifically from: _Ocarina of Time._

Next chapter will consider the meaning of life. Not really. The bosses meet with their masters. Impa makes another guest appearance and Link remains confused.

Review please.


	3. The Second Meeting

_Nintendo owns the copyright to Zelda and the characters therein. I would like to thank Nintendo for releasing such a great game series._

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* * *

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Chapter 3: The Second Meeting

The building was again full, but every boss seemed unhappy. Quiet conversations were taking place without the usual banter and trading of happy insults.

'It was a failure. A complete and utter failure,' mourned Maggs.

'I wouldn't say a complete and utter failure,' comforted Gyorgocto.

'I actually had a bit of fun,' Koume said. 'Did you see the look on Link's face as we grabbed his bombs, Kotake? For a moment it seemed like he expected us to do something else.'

'I didn't like it at all,' Bongo-Bongo complained. 'When Giant Chu-chu fell on me, I thought he had broken my drum. Do you know how hard it is to find enough skin to cover a drum that big?'

'You could sell your treasure to pay for it,' suggested Shadow Hag.

'Link took it again,' Bongo-Bongo sighed.

'Ganondorf refuses to let me go out at night,' Shadow Ganon complained. 'He's imposed a curfew. How old does he think I am? 130?'

'I now call this meeting to order,' Maggs announced unhappily. 'Any new business?'

After the previous attempt to get their masters to listen to their demands, the bosses realised they had failed. Their masters were very unhappy, but the one with the largest grudge was Ganondorf.

'Previous business: We attempted to get some favourable working conditions from our masters. Has anyone had any concessions granted?' Maggs asked.

No one spoke.

'Any downturn in conditions?' Maggs asked reluctantly.

'A curfew,' shouted Shadow Ganon.

'I had my oven removed. I can't bake cakes anymore,' Façade announced sulkily.

The cheer that sounded at his announcement was quickly silenced. A few bosses looked guiltily at the floor, the ceiling, anywhere but at Façade's scowl.

'I can't have a dinner party unless Majora's Mask is invited as guest of honour,' groaned Goht. 'He's lactose intolerant so I can't serve anything made with cheese. No more fondue. No more cheese platters. I miss dipping the bread into the cheese and burning my mouth. I miss the cheesecake and the sour cream on my nacho's.' Goht started sobbing as Shadow Hag patted him consolingly on the shoulder.

'I miss them too,' she said. 'You are so good at bringing out the best in cheese. You have an affinity for it.'

'Vaati is only providing IOU's for treasure', now Dark Nut Elite mourned. 'My mother is not talking to me anymore. I sent her a chest of treasure for her birthday. I didn't know it had an IOU. She won't return my messages and my father won't speak to me. My sister scorns me. I feel like an orphan,' he howled.

'Pull yourself together. Is that any way for a boss to act,' Façade sneered.

'We're in a worse position than before,' yelled Eyesoar. 'We're the laughing stock of the gaming world. People now play the games for laughs instead of excitement.'

A roar of agreement erupted in the hall.

'Maggs, you started this. You should fix it,' shouted Genie.

'I didn't suggest this. It was Shadow Ganon,' Maggs reminded the bosses.

They turned to find Shadow Ganon trying to creep out through the door. Giant Bobo Baba quickly extended a tentacle and caught him just as his hand reached the door knob.

'Leaving so soon?' asked Medelock. 'I think you have some information that may be useful.'

Shadow Ganon firmly shut his mouth and shook his head.

'I've still got some of Façade's cake. If you don't tell us what we need to know, I'll force it down your throat,' offered Giant Poe.

Façade yelped at the insult, as fear turned Shadow Ganon's visage a ghastly colour.

'It was all Ganondorf's idea. He thought we should be harsher on Link so he could go on holiday. He said if we made the game really hard, Link would never reach the higher levels and then he could take a trip. He threatened me. I had to do what he said.'

'Rubbish,' retorted Phantom Ganon. 'He promised he would give you a holiday. He was going to make me replace you. I read the letter.'

'You've stooped to reading my private correspondence?' Shadow Ganon shrieked in outrage.

'The letter was addressed to 'The other Ganon'. I'm another Ganon, aren't I?' reasoned Phantom Ganon.

"Ganondorf thinks you're a poor imitation. He's been thinking of changing your name to Dork, I mean Dorf,' Shadow Ganon said crossly.

'You're just jealous because Link likes me better than you,' Phantom Ganon claimed.

'Not true. He likes me better. I know he does. He always refuses to look at you,' retorted Shadow Ganon.

'He always looks at me so kindly before he kills me. You were going to ask him on holidays with you, weren't you?' Phantom Ganon accused.

Shadow Ganon shook his head, but not very convincingly.

'You aren't supposed to fraternise with the enemy,' the Giant Sandworm commented.

'We're not supposed to kill ourselves and let Link win either, but you agreed to that,' Shadow Ganon sulked.

'I suppose you told Ganondorf everything,' mused Slime Eyes.

'No. I didn't tell him much at all. I just told him…,' Shadow Ganon fell silent as the other bosses glared at him.

'What did you tell him?' Maggs asked curiously.

'I told him I'd failed,' Shadow Ganon admitted.

'So that's why you have a curfew and I don't,' Phantom Ganon said excitedly.

'I had to give him a reason. I tried to make one up but he didn't believe me. He won't stop reminding me it's my fault that he got beaten by Zelda. He's almost too ashamed to try and kidnap her again. He says she doesn't take him seriously anymore and asks about his rubber duck. The story about the rubber duck has spread all through Hyrule. He keeps receiving fluffy toys and rubber ducks from his fans instead of the usual money and grovelling letters. He refuses to have a shower unless the front door is locked and all the windows closed and I have to wait outside until he's finished. The dentist has given notice saying that it upsets his patients to have dead bodies littering the waiting room. Ganondorf's driving me mad. Now the travel agent won't refund his money and he didn't take out travel insurance,' Shadow Ganon put a hand to his forehead. 'My head hurts. I think I'm developing a migraine.'

'I didn't realise that he was treating you so badly, Shadow. I'm sorry. Can we be friends again?' Phantom Ganon asked.

Shadow Ganon smiled at Phantom Ganon. 'I don't like Link better than you. I was only saying that.'

'I know,' Phantom Ganon said. 'How could you like him better than me: your sort of brother, cousin thingy? Are we related?'

'I think so,' Shadow Ganon said thoughtfully.

'Touching though this family reunion is,' Slime Eyes said, 'what do we do now? Our strike failed and we are in a worse position than before. Do we stay on strike?'

'What choice do we have?' Maggs said sadly. 'I think we have to forget about being treated fairly.'

'You give up too easily,' said Impa.

The bosses all turned and looked at their unexpected guest.

'You again!'

'Why are you here?'

'Who invited you?'

'The advice you gave only made matters worse.'

'The strike is a failure.'

These and other complaints were voiced as the bosses vented their anger at Impa.

'I don't think the strike was a failure,' Impa said. 'You made your masters aware that you could think and act independently. How could that be a failure?'

'They don't want us to be independent,' Genie said. 'That's why they keep trying to gain the Triforce and take over Hyrule.'

'No wonder we're being punished,' mourned Igos Du Ikana. 'I might be a one time king, but I am nothing compared to the might of our masters. Majora's Mask never forgives.'

'None of our masters ever forgives. Ganondorf is always blathering on about the cake too, and the banner. He said we all betrayed him,' Maggs mourned.

'You did betray me,' complained Ganondorf.

The bosses looked around. All their masters were there and they did not look happy.

'I thought this was supposed to be a secret meeting. Who sent out invitations?' mumbled Kotake.

'You betrayed all your masters on the advice of Zelda's nurse? We shouldn't be punishing you. We should banish all of you into a fan fiction story. Oh, sorry we already did,' purred Vaati.

_(MS: Thanks for noticing Vaati, but doesn't that mean you're also banished to a fan fiction? And would the bosses even know what a fan fiction is?_

_Vaati (V): Mmmmm? Good point MS. I'll have to think of another threat.)_

'You will all be banished to a reality television show,' Vaati stated.

_(MS: They won't know what a reality television show is, either. Didn't you read the earlier chapters? They didn't even know what a rupee was. They certainly won't understand about television._

_Ganondorf (G): What is a reality television show?_

_V: We don't have time for this. We should be getting on with the story._

_MS: Then come up with a better threat._

_Majora's Mask (MM): You're the writer. You come up with a better threat._

_MS: Hold on. You just invaded my chapter, without an invitation, or a warning and then you try to take over. No wonder the bosses are revolting, in more ways than one. You come up with the threat.)_

'Um, excuse me,' Maggs called. 'Can we get on with this? I know that you're trying to work out the plot, but it's getting a little stuffy in here. Should we break for lunch while you work out what happens next? Say half an hour?'

'We are the masters. We decide when you have lunch,' Onox said obnoxiously. 'Now stop interrupting. We're having a private conversation with the writer who is being very unhelpful. Talk amongst yourselves until we finish.'

_(Onox (O): Now, get a move on MS. Be a good little fan fiction writer and think of a good threat. We're all working toward a common objective here. We want to finish this story so we can all go home._

_MS: (sulking): Good little fan fiction __**author**__, thank you. I am home and I'm not being unhelpful. I just want to write this chapter and be left in peace. I actually wanted to work on another story._

_MM: Too bad. You're working on this story now, author._

_G (sadly): I want to go home. I want people to stop talking about my shower cap and rubber duck. I want to be feared again._

_V: We're getting off the point here. We need a good threat. Thought of anything yet, MS._

_MS (frowning): No._

_Impa: I have an idea._

_MM: Do you mind? It's already been stated that this is a private conversation. I think you should leave._

_V: Where's Cartoonpen. Surely she will help._

_MS: She's busy. I always knew you preferred her to me._

_V: Don't be silly. You're my favourite fan fiction author. Well, one of them. You're somewhere in my top 100. Make that 1,000. 10,000? Actually have I read any of your work?_

_MS (storming off): You're not my favourite boss. That's it. Finish the story yourself. I'm sick of being slighted. _

_O: Now you've done it, Vaati. I'll go after MS. You think of a good idea and an apology.)_

Please excuse this break in conventional story writing while the characters take a short break and the author has a good sulk. And no, you cannot go to lunch.

Da da da da da

Da da da da da (insert appropriate music here.)

**A short time later:**

'As a punishment, we have cut off all communication links. After this meeting you will not be permitted to contact each other unless you have received permission from your masters,' Ganondorf said.

Angry gasps filled the room as the bosses realised the implications of these new rules. No more socialising, not more dinner parties; no more fun.

'It may sound like a harsh punishment now, but you will see the benefits as time passes,' Vaati assured them.

'Benefit to whom?' grumbled Shadow Hag and the other bosses started to mumble to each other.

'Benefit to us all. Now, we expect the games to be returned to normal and from now on you will fight against Link and try to beat him,' Majora's Mask said loudly over the hubbub.

'Try to beat me? How?' a sleepy voice asked from behind the curtains.

Link emerged rubbing his eyes. He looked out at the crowd before him and went pale. 'Zelda, I think I need your help,' he called.

Zelda emerged from behind the curtain, still dressed as Sheik, also rubbing her eyes and yawning. 'What's going on?' She caught sight of Ganondorf and waved. 'Hi, Ganny. How's your rubber duck?' she said and started to giggle.

'What were you doing behind that curtain?' Impa demanded.

'Stop asking about the rubber duck. And my name is not Ganny,' Ganondorf yelled.

Zelda continued giggling. 'That's none of your business, Impa. What are you doing with the bosses?'

Link, ignoring Impa, was trying to hide behind Zelda. 'I can't bear to look at them. They might start winking at me again. Or they might fall on swords or eat cake at me.'

Zelda turned around and patted Link on the shoulder. 'It's okay, Link. Remember, you're a hero. Heroes' should be used to facing danger.'

'I'm not worried about danger. I'm worried about the winking. And what happens if Vaati, Majora's Mask or whoever challenges me to scissors, paper, and rock? How will I be able to hold my head up? I can just imagine the snide comments from Mario or Sora. I have to fight people. I fight, therefore I am,' Link gabbled.

'I think you'll find the correct quotation is: 'I think, therefore I am,' Impa observed dryly 'And Zelda, I still demand to know what you've been doing with Link.'

'That's not important right now,' Zelda said to her nurse. 'Can't you see Link is traumatised? It's okay Link. Remember, if anyone challenges you to scissors, paper and rock, I'll take the challenge for you.'

'Um, do you mind leaving, everyone. This was meant to be a secret meeting and I've booked the building for another hour,' Maggs said hopefully.

'Be quiet, underling,' Ganondorf told her harshly. 'I am your master. I have a right to be here.'

'You don't even remember my name, do you,' Maggs accused Ganondorf.

'If you're plotting against me, I have a right to be here,' Zelda said.

'I'm happy to go,' said Link looking around nervously.

'Not until I am given a proper explanation of what you and Zelda were doing,' demanded Impa, her arms folded across her chest.

'Why should I remember your name?' Ganondorf asked Maggs.

Everyone started talking and accusing each other of real or imagined slights, when a further commotion broke out. Shadow Ganon threw a convenient pot at Ganondorf.

'I'm sick of the curfew,' Shadow Ganon yelled suddenly at Ganondorf and broke into sobs. 'I don't want to stand outside the bathroom while you have a shower. Everyone 'forgot' my birthday. I didn't even receive one lousy card. Not one card, even from you. Everyone hates me because you made me start this. No one invites me to dinner parties anymore. On top of this you want to prevent us from talking to each other. I hate you,' he said through sobs.

Every one became quiet, staring first at Ganondorf and then at Shadow Ganon.

'He's going through that difficult age,' Phantom Ganon told everyone. 'He's growing up and the hormones are making him act a little emotional.'

'You promised you wouldn't tell,' Shadow Ganon said, still sobbing.

'I'm sorry, but you don't want them to think you're a wuss, do you?' Phantom Ganon apologised.

'I'm not a wuss. I'm just very unhappy,' Shadow Ganon declared.

There was silence as Phantom Ganon patted Shadow Ganon on the shoulder.

'Now that everyone is quiet, it's time we worked this out,' Zelda said, showing once again the dignity and common sense of a true Princess of Hyrule. 'I call this meeting to order.'

'I'm supposed to say that,' grumbled Maggs.

Majora's Mask glared at Maggs, who slunk off the stage.

'First order of business. I want to get agreement that no one is to wink at Link,' Zelda commanded.

'Where's the fun in that?' Koume asked Kotake.

'I agree,' said Link who was looking at the walls, not daring to look at anyone else.

No one else said anything.

'Until I receive this agreement I will not act as mediator between you,' Zelda said.

'No one asked you to mediate. We were working it out without any help,' grumbled Vaati.

'No you weren't. You even had a fight with the author,' Façade pointed out.

'And you still haven't answered my question about Link,' Impa said sternly to Zelda.

'One thing at a time,' Zelda griped at Impa. 'Nothing happened. I'll tell you later.'

'Tell us now,' Majora's Mask requested slyly. 'I want to know.'

'So do I,' yelled Eyesoar.

'If you must know, I wanted to hide from everyone and this building was deserted, unlike any of the dungeons. I was worried that no one was fighting me and everyone was winking at me. Zelda came with me and we talked all night. She was really nice. We kissed and then, I think, we must have fallen asleep. I was really tired. I was woken up by all the noise,' Link admitted, blushing and shifting his feet.

'You kissed him,' Impa said angrily to Zelda.

'Yes, we kissed. So what? It was only a kiss,' Zelda retorted.

'Did you use tongues?' yelled Onox in a badly disguised voice.

Zelda blushed and pressed her lips together.

'I think we need to have a serious talk about this, Princess,' Impa said folding her arms again.

'What do you expect? He's the only possible love interest in the games,' Zelda said crossly. 'He was feeling sad and I was hugging him.'

At the mention that Link was the only possible love interest, Ganondorf's face fell. Vaati became glum. A few of the other characters looked sad.

'The hugging wasn't mentioned earlier. Is there anything else you forgot to mention?' the anger was evident in Impa's tone.

'No. We hugged and kissed a few times and then went to sleep,' Link said.

Zelda kicked him in the shins. 'Shut up, Link. You're only making matters worse.'

Looking very embarrassed, Link nodded.

'Princess, you are not to see Link again, unless I am present,' Impa commanded.

'Wait a minute. You let a weird guy wearing a shower cap and bathrobe, with a rubber duck in his pocket; abduct me, for what purpose you don't even know, and now you won't let me kiss Link? That's weird logic,' the anger is Zelda's voice was evident.

'I agree,' shouted Gyorgocto. 'Zelda, if you get tired of Link, I'm here for you.'

'So am I,' said Iron Knuckle.

'And I. You're gorgeous, Zelda,' yelled Dark Knuckle Elite.

A scuffle broke out between a number of bosses and mini-bosses intent on telling Zelda of their affections.

'I'm here for you Link,' screamed Kotake.

'This is just getting too strange,' Link said looking for the nearest exit.

'I think we should talk about this later, Impa. There are more important matters to discuss.' The authority with which Zelda said these words, had Impa nodding in agreement.

'Be quiet!' Impa's imperious tone echoed round the room, and everyone fell silent.

'Does everyone agree to stop winking at Link?' Zelda questioned. 'Say aye if you agree.'

A few desultory ayes were heard.

'I said say aye that you agree or I'll side with Vaati, Ganondorf and the others,' Zelda threatened.

'Aye,' said most of the bosses.

Link looked relieved. 'Thanks Zelda,' he said quietly.

'Next matter of business. What has been happening? The games keep going wrong.'

A number of bosses explained the situation with some assistance from Impa. After a few minutes of discussion Zelda understood the problem.

'Link, from now on, you should be a bit nicer to the bosses. They're only doing their job. Clean up after the battles and Epona.'

Link nodded reluctantly.

'Now you, masters, or whatever you call yourselves. The bosses are unhappy. They think Link treats them badly, but you're even worse. No holidays, no pay. It's slave labour! You will pay the bosses and they will have holidays. I'm going to set up an independent working committee that will investigate all the necessary working conditions. Maggs, I want you to head the committee.' Zelda was showing that she would be a great ruler one day.

Maggs nodded happily. It was nice to be recognised.

'What about our rights?' Vaati asked.

'You will get holidays, also,' Zelda said.

'How? It's not possible,' Onox moaned.

'Stand in for each other. Wear disguises. Honestly, you never thought this through, did you? Or you could ask Link to be particularly clumsy for a week. You know, when he keeps blowing himself up, or falling over a cliff. Or he could become distracted by a side quest. Or even become obsessed with collecting rupees. He's good at that type of thing. I know that the Boss in _Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones_ has had one player stumped for ages with the fight after the chariot race. He was really happy. The Prince was rather disgruntled by it all,' Zelda said.

'You've been talking to heroes from other games,' Link said unhappily.

'It's okay, Link. All he can talk about is the Empress of Time and the other girl, what's her name? Farrar, is it? I've forgotten. I got tired of listening to him,' Zelda looked at Impa. 'I don't know why you insisted I go on that date.'

'He's a prince, you're a princess,' Impa said. 'Not some child of unknown parentage.'

'You're getting off the topic again,' Vaati growled. 'Leave your personal business 'til later.'

'Look, it would be easier if we did this with representatives who will form part of the committee. Maggs will be one of them. Bosses, you choose five other representatives. Masters all of you attend. Link, Impa and I will represent the impartial observers,' Zelda said.

'Not very impartial,' declared Onox.

'We'll include a few towns' folk. We want the games to work as normal. I want Link to feel confident again. I'll even stop teasing you, Ganny,' Zelda chuckled.

'My name is not Ganny. It's Ganondorf,' he sulkily replied.

'Yes, Ganondorf,' Zelda replied meekly.

'I agree with Zelda. Let's work together,' said Onox.

'As long as I don't have to stand in for Vaati, I agree,' said Majora's Mask.

'I may as well agree too,' Ganondorf reluctantly stated.

The other masters approved, as did the bosses. The committee met and after much wrangling, consultation and discussion with towns' folk and lawyers, an agreement was reached.

**Epilogue**

Hyrule has now changed for the better. The minor monsters don't notice. Nothing has changed for them. The committee is still making recommendations, some of which are being implemented. The bosses are happy and continue to have dinner parties, which they sometimes invite their masters to join. Majora's Mask is still lactose intolerant. The masters get the occasional holiday. Link is more polite and cleans up after himself.

The only people who aren't happy are Impa and Façade. By common consent, Façade still does not have an oven and has been banned from ever making another cake. Impa's plan to estrange Link and Zelda did not work out. However, she is now dating Ganondorf, when they have free time. They found they have much in common. They both dislike Link and enjoy interior design.

Link and Zelda are being very quiet about their relationship.

THE END

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Author's note: I know there was quite a delay in updating this story, but now it is finished. Hooray!!!**

Thank you anyone who decided to take a chance and read this story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Cartoonpen was busy and did not help me with this chapter.

Please review.

Vaati is **not** my favourite boss.


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